Puppet: A Tale of Two Tales
by frecleface
Summary: There is so much that can happen in just one year. So whatever happened that made Beetlejuice and Lydia best friends? Where did the Maitlands go? - This fic will explain what happened between Beetlejuice's death and his appearance in the movie s well.


**PUPPET: A Tale of Two Tales**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – After Life and After Death**

_He grinned. Even though he couldn't see their faces, he grinned. He loved the sound of an angry mob, and because he wasn't able to see their mad expressions, he had to settle with hearing their endless cursing, yelling and crying. But he also heard fire cracking, and he felt the wind blow furiously through his hair. He inhaled, and then sighed with pleasure. Why was he so pleased? He wasn't even sure, but he grinned again anyway. Before he could enjoy another round of a screaming crowd, however, he heard footsteps. They drew closer and closer, and soon, he was certain that the one responsible was right next to him. He smiled wickedly at the person._

"_Hey there, kid," he said. "Nice footwork. Ever considered tap-dancing?"He cackled for a moment, only to feel a smack on his face. The pain stung his cheek, and it made the grin fade into a frown. "Hey! What gives, bub?"_

"_Don't you dare speak to me, you foul being!" the person exclaimed, and the pitch of the voice told him that it was a middle-aged woman. _

"_Well, too late for that, 'cause I already did!" he replied, and laughed manically. He heard the mob boo, and it made him grin again. _

"_Enough!" the woman shouted. He heard her pant angrily, and then felt her tug on his hair. It hurt a bit, but he didn't show any sign of it – he didn't want to look like a total wuss. "You have brought dismay and horror to this town for the last time, Betelgeuse! One more minute will not be tolerated!"_

"_Aw, come on! Can't a guy have some fun?" he said, and smirked to the thought of all the havoc he had caused over the years. Breaking the dam; turning everyone's livestock into zombies; making everyone think the weather was affected by their moods; making it rain coal… the list was endless. Magic was in his blood, so why not use it for some laughs? Just typical for this town. Heck, even his own parents hadn't supported him back in their day! _

_The woman tugged on his hair again, and this time, he almost yelped. She must have come even closer too, because now he could actually feel her angry panting on his face. "Fun?" she spat. "You call your witchcraft fun?"She let go of his hair, and he heard her move away again. "You call ruining the lives of the people in this town fun? You call killing hundreds of lives fun?"_

_Only one word caught his attention. "Kill? What do you mean kill? I've never killed anyone in my life!" he said, and then added almost in a mumble: "Except the guy who sold me that pathetic excuse of a house; the woman who stole my food supplies; and then there were several others I can't really think of right now--"_

"_Silence!" shouted the woman, followed by a cheer from the mob. "We know that you were the cause of the black plague. We all saw your laughing fits whenever a life was lost!"_

"_Oh, _that_!" he exclaimed, and laughed again. "Forgot about that for a moment. Thanks for reminding me. Ah, good times…" He chuckled slightly, and turned his head to where he supposed the woman was standing. "But in all seriousness, I didn't do it. But whoever thought of it sure was a killer!" Another maniac laugh followed the statement. _

"_Lies! Only a man capable of such inhumane abilities could have caused that plague!" the woman shouted. She just wouldn't give up, would she? "You shall pay for all your wrong doings, Betelgeuse!"_

"_Really? That's all?" he joked, and pretended to give a sigh of relief. "Well, that's good to know, 'cause I thought you were gonna kill me or something!"_

"_For once in your life, you actually guessed right," said the woman, and he heard her chuckle. Man, what was with her? She was even crazier than he was! He heard her turn around to the mob. "Are you ready, folks? Are you ready to witness the fall of the last wizard to walk this land?" The mob cheered, shouted names, and cursed. "Then let the trap door open!"_

"_Trap door?" he said. "Oh, that explains why I had to be tied up and blindfolded like this, complete with the hanging rope. You know, for a moment there I thought someone was gonna ra--"_

_He never even finished his sentence. The moment he was about to make one of his best jokes ever, he was interrupted by the stupid trap door. The rope instantly straightened around his neck, and he could hear his spine break. He hung there for several hours, and he never even knew how much the mob cheered for his death. _

--

"Number 9,998,383,750,000, please."

Beetlejuice snorted, and turned on the waiting room sofa, frowning. Great. Just when he thought he could get some good sleep, bam! She has to call a number! Stupid receptionist. Always interrupting.

"Number 9,998,383,750,000, please."

God, what was with dead people today? Did they all have their ears cut off? "Make 'er shut up already…" Beetlejuice grumbled.

"Ahem! Number 9,998,383,750,000! Please!"

That was the last straw. He sat up, opened his drowsy eyes, and looked angrily over the room. "Yeah, number 9,998,383,750,000! Answer the damn call!" he yelled with a high-pitched, squeaky voice.

"Um, that's you, sir," said the receptionist.

Beetlejuice was taken aback, and rubbed his eyes again. He looked over the room, and saw that everyone in there was glaring at him. He stuck his hands in his pockets, and felt a little piece of paper in one of them. He picked it up, straightened it out, and read it over. That was indeed his number. He stuck it in his pocket again, and smiled sheepishly at everyone else.

"Heh… I blame lack of sleep," he said as he walked towards the blue-greenish redhead behind the information stand.

"Oh, please, you've hardly been awake over the past few months you've been here," she replied coldly, and gave him an odd look.

Beetlejuice reached the table, and slammed his hands on it. "So, what's on the menu? Some more haunting? Possession? Killing? Come on, just name it!" he exclaimed excitedly. He then noticed her odd expression, and pouted. "What? Is there something in my hair?" Right on cue, a beetle crawled through his hair.

The girl shuddered in disgust, and gave a little 'blegh!'. "No, that's not it. It's just that your head's a little too small compared to the rest of your body."

"Oh, right," said Beetlejuice, and then snapped his fingers. With just that one snap, his red wedding clothes were replaced with his favorite black and white striped suit, and his head instantly popped back to its normal size. It took him a while to get used to it that way. "Whoa…" he said as he rolled his eyes in circles, and then shook his head. "Anyway, I wanna know what gruesome stuff ya got for me!"

"I'm afraid I'm not the one in charge of that," said the girl and folded her arms. "You do realize that you've been waiting for an appointment, don't you?"

"Sure I do!" said Beetlejuice. He then looked around, bent over the table, and signaled the girl to move closer to him. When she did, "An appointment with who again?" he whispered.

The girl leaned back in her seat and rolled her eyes. "With Juno, of course!"

Beetlejuice jolted backwards, his eyes widening. "_Juno?!_" he exclaimed. "Oh no. No, no, no. Ixnay on the Uno-say. No talking with her. Nuh-uh. Never." He folded his arms and turned away from the girl, giving a small 'hmp!' as he did so.

The girl frowned and glared at him. She then reached from under her side of the table, and brought out a large stack of papers. She let it fall on the table with a loud 'THUMP!' and pushed them towards Beetlejuice. "Oh yes you are," she said. "You don't have a choice. Unless, of course, you want to spend the rest of your afterlife just hanging around this waiting room…"

The thought alone was terrifying. Beetlejuice had been bored out of his mind for all those months he had been waiting there, and no way was he going to spend the rest of his afterlife just loafing around! He quickly turned to the girl, picked up the stack of papers, and began walking away. "Juno, right," he said and grinned sheepishly. "Nothing wrong with that!" He chuckled a bit, and the girl rolled her eyes once more.

As Beetlejuice walked through the corridor towards Juno's office, he couldn't help but notice that everyone who walked passed him gave him an odd look, or took a double-take. He decided not to think about it, and just kept on walking. He walked for a few minutes through the dark, moldy corridor, always thinking that the next door led to Juno's office, but was always proven wrong. Finally, though, he reached Juno's big, black door. Because both his hands were full, so he couldn't open it, he yelled: "Hey! Casey! I got something for ya!"

He heard Juno groan, and her footsteps were slow and heavy. The door opened, and there stood a gloomy Juno, looking like she'd rather be exorcised than face her next case. "Just because I'm a caseworker, it doesn't mean you have the right to call me Casey," she said while opening the door wider, letting Beetlejuice in. "Not anymore, at least."

Beetlejuice let the stack of papers fall on top of Juno's desk with the same 'THUMP!' as before, and turned around to face her. "Aw, come on!" he said. "A little reminder never hurt anyone, right?"

"Right," said Juno and closed the door. "Which is why I feel the need to remind you that you're not my assistant anymore." She walked back inside, behind her desk, and sat down on her chair. She looked over the stack of papers, and then at Beetlejuice. "Sit down," she said, and gestured him to the two chairs in front of her desk.

"So, what's the paper for?" Beetlejuice asked as he planted himself in one of the chairs. "Still getting those 'dark, tragic past'-moments? I swear; you really need to work on your head…"

Juno growled, but didn't say anything back. Instead, she started examining the papers. She just sat there for the longest time, reading silently, as if she had forgotten that Beetlejuice was even there. He watched her eyes trail from left to right, down – left to right, down – left to right, down… It was even more boring than waiting for the appointment. Beetlejuice rested his elbows on the chair's armrests, and tapped his fingers.

Suddenly, Juno's eyes started trailing a bit slower, they widened, and her mouth opened. Her eyebrows slowly lowered into a frown, and before Beetlejuice could even guess what she could do with her face next, she slammed the paper on her desk, and glared at him. "_What_ is this?" she exclaimed.

Beetlejuice cocked an eyebrow at her. "You tell me," he said. "I didn't even bother checking those out before I got in here. I was hoping _you'd_ tell _me_."

"This happens to be your nailer," said Juno, and rolled her eyes when she saw Beetlejuice's dumb-looking expression. "You don't remember nailers?" Beetlejuice shook his head. "They're like your biography. Each time you do something good, bad, stupid, intriguing, nice – anything mildly interesting; it's automatically recorded in your nailer. When you die, your nailer is finally printed out, and given to the right person if help is needed."

"So? What's so special about mine?" Beetlejuice had to ask, even though he didn't really care about the subject. "I mean, I'm already dead, so someone should've already read it, right?"

"That's what I figured," said Juno. "But here's the shocking part: your nailer continues after your death. Well, actually…" Juno rechecked some of the papers she had read. "It continues after you quit here – which is considered after your death, but you know what I mean. This is very abnormal."

"Hey! Casey, just look at me!" Beetlejuice exclaimed, stood up and expanded his arms, suggesting himself. "I'm the standing definition of the word _abnormal_!"

"Stop calling me Casey…" Juno sighed, and then picked up the paper she had slammed on the table. The moment she read it over again, her expression melted into the angry one from before. "But _what_, if I may ask, were you thinking when you asked that little girl to _marry_ you?!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, _that_!" said Beetlejuice and cackled, sitting back down again. "Aw, you know the stupid rules about me. In order for me to get out, I--"

"Need to get married, I know!" Juno finished, not letting go of the angry expression. "But using a mere child, who doesn't understand the laws of the dead, like that, is _not_ considered good behavior!"

"Hey, she was in on it," said Beetlejuice and shrugged. "Besides, I don't have any rules, and _good _isn't next to _behavior_ in my vocabulary – well, actually, _good_ is a rare sight in my vocabulary. Might as well get used to it."

"I tried, it didn't do me any good," Juno growled. "But that girl only agreed to marry you because she was confused, and scared! Honestly! Are you really that desperate to get out? You even changed your name just so the girl could say it!"

"What?" Beetlejuice exclaimed and jolted up from his seat. For the first time in ages, he was actually shocked; hearing something unexpected. "What do you mean, changed my name? I never did that!"

"But you did," said Juno. "I quote from your nailer: '_9/9 1988, 21:53 PM: Gets young girl's attention. Tricks her into saying his name by playing charades. Uses magic to create a beetle, a glass and a carton of juice, making girl say 'Beetle-Juice'._" Juno looked up from the paper, and at Beetlejuice.

"Yeah? So? She said my name right," said Beetlejuice. "I don't see how that changes it."

Juno sighed. She put the paper down on her desk again, and opened the top drawer on the side, picking up a pen and a tiny sheet of paper, and handed it to Beetlejuice. "Write your name."

Beetlejuice cocked an eyebrow at Juno again, not really sure what she was aiming at. He shrugged it off, and started writing.

B. Nothing wrong there.

E. Perfectly normal.

…

… Wait- what? Why couldn't he write the T? He tried again, and again, and again, but he couldn't write the stupid T! It was as if his hand wouldn't let him do it! He let go of the pen, played with his fingers for a moment, cracked them, and then picked the pen up again.

E.

"What's going on?" he asked Juno. "Why can't I spell it right? Why can't I write the T?"

"You can," said Juno. "Just not in the right place. What you're about to write is Beetle, like the bug, and Juice, like the drink." She saw on Beetlejuice's face that he was about to ask her why, so she continued. "When you tricked that little girl into saying your name, you unwillingly, unintentionally, changed the spelling of it." She picked the paper up again. "The next line in your nailer is in fact: _Changes spelling of name to 'Beetlejuice'._"

"That doesn't make any damn sense!" Beetlejuice exclaimed while he continued trying to write his name. No matter how much he tried, no matter how much he wanted, no matter how much he thought about writing _Betelgeuse_, it always ended up being _Beetlejuice_. "Come on, Casey! I don't wanna be stuck with a stupid name like _that_!"

"I can't change it," said Juno and folded her arms. "And besides, it doesn't make any difference. It's still pronounced the same."

"But it's not the armpit of Orion, Casey!" shouted Beetlejuice, threw the pen in the air, and ripped the tiny paper into even tinier pieces in frustration. "It's- it's- it's just bug-ooze!" He shrieked, and he could feel the hair on his head stand up.

"Beets!" Juno yelled to stop him, standing up from her seat. "You're panicking over such a little matter!"

Beetlejuice stopped screaming, and froze. He then turned his head to face Juno, gave a bare-toothed grin and wiggled his eyebrows. "Beets, eh?" He cackled. "You haven't called me that since--"

"Don't even dare to remind me!" Juno exclaimed, the wound across her neck opening slightly. "I only said it to get you out of that state. It was a one-time thing! That's _all_!" She coughed, and sat back down. "Anyway, I really don't know what to do with you now."

"Well, I certainly do!" said Beetlejuice, completely forgetting about the flashbacks that were starting to play in his mind. "Send me back up there! Lemme out! And get rid of this stupid name-curse! It's driving me _crazy_!" He tugged on his hair, letting out a little scream. "See?"

"You've already spent your time on earth; you've gotten a job here, and quit it; you've been summoned a bunch of times during this 'bio-exorcism'-scheme…" Juno counted, ignoring Beetlejuice's comment, and then sighed. "And you still never seemed to be capable of pulling any of it off the right way."

"What are you talking about, Casey?" said Beetlejuice. "Everything I do ends up being great! I mean, come on. You didn't seriously think I'd ever play by those silly _rules_ of yours, did ya?"

"First of all, they're not _my_ rules, they're the rules of the whole Neitherworld," Juno said behind gritted teeth. "Second, I wouldn't consider using your magic for your own needs very great. And third…" She got up from her chair, slammed her hands on the desk in front of her, leaned forward, and yelled straight in Beetlejuice's face: "_Stop calling me Casey!!_"

"Alright, alright!" said Beetlejuice and pushed Juno away with one hand, and rubbed his ear with the other. "Sheesh! You're worse than my mother."

Juno didn't reply. She sat down in her chair, and began to think. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, thinking: _Here we go again…_ Juno scratched her chin, stood up, and started pacing. "Well… I _could_ make you do charity work to make up for all your wrongs…"

Beetlejuice's eyes widened as he pictured himself in an orange garbage man/prisoner suit, picking up tiny pieces of trash with a stick, and putting it in a moldy bag. He frantically shook his head to get rid of the thought, and grabbed the chair's armrests, glaring at Juno. "You wouldn't _dare_!" he hissed.

"But that would just lead to another mishap…" Juno continued, again, ignoring Beetlejuice's comment. She scratched her head, and squinted her eyes in thought. "Come on, Juno, _think_!"

"Yeah, you're wasting eternity here!" said Beetlejuice and folded his arms. "Listen, Casey, I think you should just let me go on with my afterlife like it is. Hey, at least I have something to do for a non-living!"

Juno turned around to face him. "True, but your way of non-living isn't exactly a good way," she said, and sat back down in her seat again. She opened the middle drawer on the side of her desk, and picked up a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter. She took one out, stuck it in her mouth, and then offered the pack to Beetlejuice. "Want one?"

"_Do_ I?!" Beetlejuice exclaimed and snagged the whole pack from Juno's hand. He took a bunch out, and stuck one in his mouth. The others ended up in a pocket on his inner jacket. "Save _those_ guys for later." He then flicked his thumb, a little flame appearing on its tip, and lit the cigarette. The moment he took the first drag, he could feel all his worries, thoughts, memories, and future plans fade away in one blow. It had been so utterly long since he had had a smoke, and just feeling it stream down to his lungs and up again made him feel like he didn't even have to breathe. He almost melted down in his chair, and sighed with pleasure.

Now it was Juno's turn to cock an eyebrow. As she took the pack from Beetlejuice's hand, she blew on her own cigarette, the smoke coming out of her nostrils, mouth, and neck wound. "Been a while, huh?"

"Too long, Casey…" Beetlejuice said heavenly. "Too. Long."

"Okay, we're getting nowhere with this…" said Juno, and dumped some of the ash off her cigarette in an ashtray on the desk. "Look, how about if I just get you a place to stay for a couple of months before I can figure out what to do with you?"

Beetlejuice just looked at Juno with a dreamy-looking expression, and blew smoke out of his mouth. "Huh? What ya say?" he said on an exhale. "Didn't catch that last part. Too busy feeling the goodness."

"How would you like it if I found you a good house, and let you stay there with a reasonable rent while I think about what I can do about you?" Juno repeated, and started putting Beetlejuice's nailer back together.

"Not gonna happen," Beetlejuice replied, throwing the cigarette on the floor and stepping on it (Juno gave him a glare, but he ignored it). "I'm a loafer – a roamer. You can't just make me settle down, Casey. That'd be… _right!_" He made a little face of disgust.

Juno refrained from yelling at him again for calling her Casey, and just took the last drag of her cigarette before squishing it in the ashtray. "Okay then, how about this: I'll find you an old warehouse or a roadhouse or something, and you can do whatever you want with it?" she suggested.

Beetlejuice's eyes widened slightly, and he grinned at Juno. "You're _actually_ giving me permission to do what I want with something?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, but it'll come with a price," Juno added when she saw how excited he was getting about it (she even heard him mutter a small "Damn…!"). "The size of the house will decide how many people will be able to move in with you."

"_What?_" Beetlejuice exclaimed with a shriek.

"Two persons minimum," Juno finished, raising two fingers to emphasize her statement.

"But- but- but Casey!" Beetlejuice whined. "I can't afford to have anyone live with me! It'll be like having roommates! And you should know how _that_ always ends up like!"

"Who said you're all going to live in the same apartment?" said Juno and shrugged. "You can design the house to have a few apartments. That way, you'll only live under the same roof."

Beetlejuice scowled at Juno, and she smirked to the thought of finally having reversed the situation from before. "Alright!" she said and stood up from her chair. "I think it's settled, then. You go on with your 'loafing' and I'll find you some place to call a house. I'll call you as soon as I do, and then you decide what to do with it."

Pouting, "Fine, fine…" Beetlejuice lamely replied. "But I'll have you know that I have a huge closet, so might as well pick a huge place, know what I mean?"

"Oh yes, I'll keep that in mind," said Juno and grinned, reaching out for a handshake. "Because, like I said, the bigger the place, the more 'roomies', right?" She winked at him just to torment him.

Beetlejuice decided to turn the tables on her. He shook her hand a little harder than he should have, and glared at her with a grin. "Oh, we'll see how it all turns out in the end, Casey."

With that, he poofed away with a laugh, leaving Juno with her hand still reached out. She sighed and rolled her eyes, and then sat down in her chair again. She pushed a button on her phone to call the receptionist in the waiting room. "Send the next one in, dear." She let go of the button, and leaned back in her chair. But almost immediately, she sprung back up; Beetlejuice's nailer was getting longer. Juno frowned as a few more sentences wrote themselves on it.

_Makes a deal with caseworker about getting a house. Gets an idea to break the deal without her knowing. Teleports himself out of office to loaf around, cackling to himself because of how smart he is._

Juno growled at the nailer as if it was its fault that Beetlejuice was a no-good, disgusting con-man.


End file.
